I knew that life would be very different once Jett got here. I knew my schedule would no longer be mine and would be at the will of a baby who would need my constant attention. What I did not know, however, is how frustrating it would be for me and how hard it would be for me to adapt.
Add in the fact that when he is awake during the day, it only seems to be to cry, and some days I just want to throw in the towel and cry with him. Some days I have actually done this.
This week my husband goes back to work. I have been so blessed that he had paternity leave and was home with me for six weeks. I am dreading being at home alone with Jett and be expected to work and keep him happy all day. Judging from the last four weeks this will be a huge challenge. I have a new appreciation for moms who work from home and keep their babes at home all day with them. That is a whole level of work I was not prepared to take on.
This week will be a huge test of my patience and character, not to mention my ability to cope as a mother. I am petrified. I am in fact so scared that I have asked Chris’ mom to come stay a few days and help. I am so not one to ask for help but in this instance I really know I will need it if I plan to get any work done.
I’m also coping with a lot of guilt for sending him to daycare in a couple of weeks. I feel like a total sell-out and that I’m taking the easy way out. I mean I know so many moms who do it, run a business from home and take care of their child, but I just cannot do it. I thought I could and that I’d be able to manage it all but I can’t. Part of me feels like a failure for admitting it. Part of me feels like I’ve given up too soon. The other part feels like I have made a turn as a person and realized that asking for help sometimes and taking the easy way out is what is best for me and my family.
SO my question is this. Moms who work from home with their babies – how do you do it? How do you manage your time when you have a baby who wants to nurse every 2.5 hours for an hour and a half, barely leaving you time to brush your teeth between burping sessions? How do you keep going until that point where everyone says “It get’s easier eventually!” (When is eventually anyways?) And for those like me who send their babes to daycare a couple days a week – how do you justify the guilt you feel for wanting a few hours to be selfish and get some work done for you and your family?
I love being his mom and I love him to pieces. He is my skwishy-britches! But I’m ready for a break. Is this normal? Can someone tell me I’m not alone? :)