I Can’t Wait

These are three words I am trying, with everything I posses, to eliminate from my vocabulary.

After carrying around a floppy headed baby for what feels like hours at church, I find myself saying, “I can’t wait until you can hold yourself up and I can put you on my hip.”

After waking up for that 3AM feeding every night for ten weeks my body whispered, “I can’t wait to get to sleep through the night again.”

After leaning over the front of the stroller to hold a bottle in place while strolling around Target, my frustrations pleaded, “I can’t wait until you can hold your own bottle.”

After one particularly stinky dirty diaper my assaulted nose screamed, “I can’t wait until you are potty trained!”

Each time, I stop myself. Because really, I can wait.

Motherhood has changed me in ways I was not expecting.

I was not looking forward to having an infant depend on me for everything it needed. Clean diapers, night time baths, food, comfort… But the more I have done it (and let’s be clear – I’m not an old pro at it or anything) the more I have settled in to relishing every second of it.

The first time my mother-in-law offered to change a diaper, I immediately jumped up to do it. Not because I didn’t want her to do it but because I wanted to.

Hold the presses. I just admitted to WANTING to change a dirty diaper.

Every dirty diaper, every night time scream session, every bath, every feeding. I want to be there for every second of it. Even in the short twelve weeks that Jett has been here with us he has grown up so much. I already miss him being a tiny newborn – so itty bitty in my hands. Now he is turning in to a chunky Mr. Fatty Pants McStuffins.

I know he will only be exactly what he is today, for today. Tomorrow he will do something new and different and today will become yesterday and that moment that I couldn’t wait for has now come and gone.

So instead of the daily mantra of “I can’t wait,” I’m replacing it with “I love you today exactly the way you are and tomorrow will be a new and different day to love you.” Tomorrow, when you can sit up on your own, hold your own bottle, sleep through the night, and are potty trained – you will need me for one less thing.

I can wait.

Comments

  1. I love you today exactly the way you are and tomorrow will be a new and different day to love you
    I love how you have grown and so look forward to continue watching you. I love you.

  2. Jon Hankins says:

    Enjoy it while you can. I so miss the days when my two needed me for everything. Now I can’t help them do anything or so they say. I’d do anything to go back to the day I could hold them, rock them, and comfort them till they fall asleep. It’s an awesome feeling.

  3. Exactly! Someone once told me “it’s just a phase” as a reassurance that the not so fun things (middle of the night feedings, dirty diapers, etc) would be over soon. But I realized, it’s ALL a phase – good and not so good. The sweet boy who cuddles in my arms today will soon be the 15 year old who rolls his eyes at giving his mom a hug. So, good, bad, and otherwise, I try my hardest to cherish each day. So glad you wrote this!

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