word of the year

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i have SO loved reading everyone’s word of the year posts. it has been inspiring and fun to hear everyone’s word and their interpretation of it for their life this year.

some examples:

beth @ home stories a2z‘s word is bubbles! how fun is that?
jessica @ allora handmade‘s word is listen. something we should all do more of!
layla @ the lettered cottage‘s word is up! (love that movie!)

the word i have chosen this year, or rather, the word that seemed to be chosen for me is
purpose

if you read my goals for the new year you might have noticed that this word seemed to crop up quickly and directly. in fact – here is exactly what i said:

“i want 2012 to be a year of purpose. and for the first time in my life, i am beginning to understand that in order to have a year of purpose i have to be diligent in making some things happen.”

clearly, God has a purpose for each of us every single day. every day that you get to wake up again is a day that God has a plan and a purpose for you.

this year i want to intently listen for that purpose on a daily basis. i want to submit to His plan and learn how to give up my plans to do that. i want to go where He wants me to go and not be afraid to journey somewhere i’ve never been to get there.

this is one of my biggest struggles. the concept of not having a plan and not being in control of what i’m going to do scares the everliving crap out of me. i know i am a control freak. i know that it makes me anxious, stressed, bossy and demanding. but the thought of giving up one ounce of that control and possibly losing it all really frightens me.

what if my tightly wound life just falls to shambles? i can’t deal with that.

well. last year i couldn’t. this year though, i will learn how. i will. i will probably suck horrendously at it and have major anxiety attacks over not being in charge of what i am doing… but because i serve a loving God who already knows what tomorrow will bring i will put my faith in him and ask him to calm my nerves.

minute by minute i will ask him to sooth my fraying edges and keep me from going insane. this year i will live with God’s purpose first.

this year i will purposefully go after things that i really want.

i want to do a daily devotional. so instead of just saying it – i found a devotional and it is sitting on my bedside table along with a pen and a bible. i still have to choose to do it, even though it is sitting there to remind me night after night. but i will do it. in fact – i have done it.

have i done it every single night? no. but if i miss one night (which has happened twice i believe) i get into bed having already decided that tonight i am doing two and make up for the missed night. i have kept it up and i am still on the coordinating day. but this isn’t good enough. i have to keep it up for the rest of the year.

and i’m going to do it.

i want to find a defined purpose for my online presence. i’ve been thrown some major curveballs this month (which i’m pretty sure is what God does when i start to takeover and get all high and mighty in my plans) that will really change the amount of my online time. but part of being purposeful this year is accepting that maybe this (being a blogger and online business owner) isn’t where i am supposed to be.

God knows where my purpose lies.

it is scary admitting that all the work i have done and all the connecting i have done may eventually be for nothing. yikes!

anyways – i really didn’t meant to get all drag-down and depressed! let’s shake that all off and move on! 🙂

i want to be purposeful in developing friendships. i love to meet people – LOVE it! but i would really like to focus on making a couple of really good friends this year. having friends when you are married to someone in the ministry is really hard. you don’t have much time to look outside the congregation for friends. so you search within the walls of the church and it is easy to forget that you will always first – be the pastor’s wife and second – be their friend. that is a really uncomfortable pill to swallow!

so i want to find friends outside of the church. local friends. friends i can meet for lunch and go see a movie with and double date with.

am i turning this into a goals list? it feels like it.

i want 2012 to be a year of purpose.

what is your word for 2012? come link up your post with layla’s party next monday and be inspired!