over the course of the past few days i spent more time on a plane than should be humanely allowed.
i sipped more drinks out of tiny plastic cups with three cubes of ice than i can ever remember.
i nibbled on more salty snacks, furthering my bloating from the cabin pressure and overall dehydration, than a healthy person should.
i have squeezed myself into smelly airplane lavatories, done the “don’t-move-your-feet-but-turn-a-complete-180” move and winced as my knees hit the door, all the while praying turbulence didn’t knock the door open while i was… well you know… doing what we humans do in the bathroom.
i have heard the safety speech so many times i could recite it myself {in several languages mind you}.
in all this time on airplanes (a little over twenty four hours total) i concluded that there are three basic types of people you meet on a plane.
{one}
mr. talks a lot
i was ever so fortunate to sit next to harlen on my flight from shreveport to atlanta. bless his heart, but thank goodness it was only about an hour and a half flight. would you like to know harlen’s children’s names? how about his girlfriend’s name, who lived in colorado? perhaps you would like his blood type, social security number or swiss bank account number?
ok, so maybe i begin to exaggerate just a little there at the end. but seriously folks, not by much. while i do enjoy a healthy chat with my neighbor, i am truly not interested in why he started a horse farm after he retired from his thirty-five year career as a mechanic in mansfield, louisiana. {that is not an exaggeration}
{two}
sullen teenager
to be honest, i thought my seat neighbor on the flight from atlanta to madrid was a teenager. he had the baby-faced appearence of a sixteen year old, along with perfect blonde hair and sponge bob square pants boxers.
i saw those when he put his carry on luggage in the overhead bin. promise.
but why would a sixteen year old be flying to madrid by himself? curiosity got the best of me, so i asked if madrid was his final stop. turns out he was flying from madrid to rota (?? never heard of it) and then renting a car and driving to some other such foreign country. he was in the navy and he was not sixteen. he was twenty three.
then he took three benadryl and two dramamine and slept until i woke him for dinner. when he was awake during very short spurts of the flight he pulled his hood over his head and tuned me out with music.
for what it is worth he was attractive, in that oh-my-gosh-i-would-have-had-a-huge-crush-on-you-as-a-teenager sort of way. and he was serving out country, for which i thanked him. i think the sentiment was lost on him though – as he shrugged and mumbled something about his dad when i said it.
{three}
fussy greek grandmother
on the flight from atlanta to madrid there were two elderly couples {i would say in their 70s – not to say 70 is elderly. you are always as young as you feel!}. the two husbands and one of the wives were quite genial and settled into their seats, got out the skymall magazines and patiently waited on the normal proceedings of air travel.
the other wife, however, was not as copacetic as the others. first of all her full length mink wouldn’t fit into the overhead compartment. {insert sarcastic poor, pitiful me comment of your choice here} second of all her saint of a husband was just not quick enough on the uptake to hold her glass of champagne, which she harassed the flight attendant for, so she could take off her bra before she sat down. and lastly she insisted, after all of her loud profanity {we knew what she was yelling, even though she only cursed in greek}, cantankerous behavior and inappropriate wardrobe malfunctions, that she be let off the plane to use the restroom because the on board lavatories were just not big enough.
i can’t make this stuff up people. it’s that good.
however, it does leave me wondering where i fit in this puzzle of the millions that take to the skies every day. i certainly hope i am not any of these three categories. i will just make my own category.
just happy to be here and happy the plane isn’t crashing and why, yes, i would love a complimentary glass of white wine with dinner thank you very much
what type of passenger are you?
& for curiosity sake – have you ever heard of rota?
you are hilarious and this is SOOOOO true!
1- i have never heard of rota.
2- nice vocab word=copacetic
3- maybe there is a 4th kind of person on a plane… somewhere in between all these. and that's where we fit in?
Where are the pictures of these people?!?
I like to chat a little, but when the small talk runs out and I'd like to return to reading it gets a little awkward even on a 3 hour flight, I don't know what I would do with crossing the ocean. I love your descriptions of all three! Never heard of Rota. I googled and there's a Rota Island in the Pacific, surely that's not where he was going.
I have only been on a plan three time, for one trip. Thankfully my mother was sitting next to me and the seat next to me on the other side was empty all three times! I must have got lucky. I'm sorry you had to encounter these people, I hope you kept your sanity! 🙂
When I was on a plane, I talked to my mom occassionally, but I mainly read. So I'm not sure which type that would make me.
lol @ spongebob boxers and full length mink! What's with her removing her bra?!
Hope you had a great trip!